


never thought I'd be missing you

by BuckyVaRog



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Death, M/M, kind of??
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-05
Updated: 2016-11-05
Packaged: 2018-08-29 07:09:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8480050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BuckyVaRog/pseuds/BuckyVaRog
Summary: Team Flash has to travel to Earth-3 in order to find a rare type of metal no longer existent on Earth-1 in order to defeat a meta-human. What they find in addition is... interesting.(BEWARE: s1 ep15 DC's Legends of Tomorrow and s3 The Flash spoilers ahead)





	

**Author's Note:**

> So, I wrote this because I just finished s1 of Legends of Tomorrow and was feelin' real emo and then that episode with Barry calling Len an old friend had me fucked up beyond belief so like most of my fics, if not all, this is purely self indulgent. Also, this got way out of hand, I really had not meant it to even be this dramatic?? idk man
> 
> not beta-ed cus I do not have the time

 

"Okay, so..." Barry trails off, looking over to the violent vortex now opening up. "We have to go to Earth, what, three?"

Cisco makes a noise in the back of his throat, not looking up from where he's rapidly typing calculations into the computer system.

"Yes,  _apparently_ H.R has traveled there before, he knows where we can find some of this Orichalcum."

"And we just... trust him?" Barry looks wary. "He's not exactly been the most reliable person, plus I thought Earth-2 had an Atlantis."

"I think it's our best shot, plus it's not like there's any threats in Earth-3 so we should be safe even if you can't find it, it's probably safer if we don't disrupt anything else on Earth-2."

Barry sighs and finally Cisco looks up. "Look, it's better we try this than have you go through that again."

 

_"This meta is in my head!" Barry shouted, eyes scrunched shut and hands over his ears. Cisco and Caitlin could barely hear him over the frequency interference._

_"Barry, just get out of there, man!" Cisco was frantically trying to hack the security cameras but all CCTV in the general area seemed to be on the fritz._

_"I..." Barry choked on a sob, scenes running through his head as fast as the speed force. Scenes of him and Iris, Barry and his father, his mother when he was a child. "Stop... please... stop!" He finally crumpled to the ground, head pounding and whirling. A shadow fell over his body and he could barely see the ugly grin directed towards him through his hazy vision._

_"What's the matter,_ Barry _, got a headache?"_

_The meta cackled when Barry groaned as another onslaught of memories hit him. Iris and Eddie, fighting metas, fighting Snart. Helping Snart, visiting him in Iron Heights, hearing about his death._

_"Oh," The meta was crouched now, drawing out the syllables. "I see you have a soft spot for one Leonard Snart, Captain Cold, right? I heard he's out of  commission for a little while." Another ugly grin._

_Barry was saved from any more distress when Joe shoved the meta to the ground, hitting him a few times before he was knocked out cold. Clearly not a physical fighter._

 

He shakes his head at the memory and nods once before pulling his cowl up. "Let me know when you have this figured out, I'm gonna go for a run."

He barely hears the warble of Cisco's protests before he's in the back alley of Saints and Sinners. He doesn't go in, just entertains the idea of Leonard Snart, maybe Mick Rory, being inside nursing a glass of cheap liquor. His heart clenches a moment before dropping down in a slump beside a garbage can. Who knew he would miss trying to foil their heists, enjoying Snart's easy banter and Rory's quick temper. He  _never_ would have believed someone if they told him he would still be missing Leonard even after three months of finding out what he did. What he did for his crew, some of which being Barry's friends. 

Barry nearly blames himself for the selfless heroics. Lisa sure does. In a rare moment of Barry just not being fast enough, slowed down by his own head, he's barely on his feet before one of the bartenders has a gun drawn, bag of garbage forgotten on the ground. She looks at him menacingly down the barrel of the gun and Barry almost laughs because she must know he could easily catch any bullet. Maybe he's just being narcissistic. 

"Hope you're not here to cause any trouble because I won't hesitate to put a bullet in that pretty face of yours."

Barry doesn't bother mentioning it wouldn't make it past his fingers. Before he can think about what he's saying, though, "I was wondering if you knew Leonard Snart?"

She raises an eyebrow, gun still raised. "If I did?"

Barry doesn't know. "I don't know," He goes to run nervous fingers through his hair before remembering the suit. "Guess I just need to talk to someone else that knew him."

Something in his voice must resonate with her because, even still looking suspicious, she lowers the gun slowly and takes a step back. "Out here in the alleyway?" She raises another eyebrow. "Great place for a heart to heart, kid."

He barely stops himself from flinching at what used to be an annoying nick-name to mock their age difference. "I just... what was he like?" It comes out awkward and he grimaces but can't back out now. He's talking to this woman, who knew Snart and who is warily willing to talk to him, despite their juxtaposition. Plus, she hardly raises any red flags, he's sure she won't do anything to him. "What was he like when he wasn't robbing places, and annoying me?" Barry smiles small, hoping his eyes are earnest enough.

She sighs, clearly admitting defeat and grabs a wooden crate to sit on. He thinks he hears her mumble something along the lines of 'what am I getting myself into' as he sits cross legged on a fairly clean box. She eyes him oddly for a second and he registers how young he must really look to these people. 

"Leonard Snart, eh?" She gives him a sly look before beginning a long retelling of the first time he ever stepped foot in Saints and Sinners, almost immediately getting into a bar fight. Except ' _t_ _hat big guy, Rory, always had his back, never left him alone in a fight'_ and for some reason it makes Barry smile because all of that makes sense to him and it feels familiar and normal and he can actually grasp it, unlike the rest of his life. 

"He never did get into another fight after that, though, only other time was when someone messed with his sister."

"He loves Lisa," Barry responds immediately, before grimacing. "Loved, he loved Lisa."

The bartender nods a bit, watching him carefully.

"That's when... I think that's when I knew he wasn't really a bad guy." Barry swallows roughly, staring at a point above the woman's shoulder. "He just did... bad things, in his past but that didn't define who he was." 

"I thought you two were enemies, kid."

Barry can't help but laugh. "We were, at first, but things change and people change and in the end I considered him a friend." And suddenly it hurts to much to think about. It's never been easy for him to lose the people he cares about, people that were important in his life in some way.

He's just about to tell her he has to go when his comm is beeping in his ear, signalling STAR Labs trying to get in contact with him. He presses his ear without thinking. "Hey, what's up?"

Cisco's apprehensive voice filters through, "Barry, what are you doing at Saints and Sinners?"

Barry huffs a light laugh. "Catching up with someone, don't worry. Is that all you needed?" He sounds doubtful.

"H.R is about ready to go through the portal, we need you back here." Cisco still sounds mildly concerned but at least he's not asking any questions.

"Be there in a flash," He smirks at his own joke before turning back to the woman in front of him, noticing her now relaxed posture. 

"You and Len both have a love for puns, it seems."

"Oh he was way worse than me, I promise." He smiles brightly at her until realising he should actually be going. "I do have to go though, but... thank you for this. Maybe I'll see you around."

She laughs one short burst, but her eyes are crinkled at the corners in a true smile. "The names Vee," Her dark eyes calculate him for a moment. "If you ever come without that mask, tell 'em I sent you, they might even give you free booze if you're cute enough."

"Thanks, I'll keep that in mind." With one last small smile, he's speeding back to STAR Labs and, back into civilian clothes, gearing up fully with an antsy H.R Wells at his side.

"H.R keep hold of the Atom gun to shrink down the Orichalcum rods,"

If they are going to get this metal, they are going to need enough to make a helmet, and even if it is apparently lighter than gold, they need to be able to carry it back undetected.

"So you know where we can find this stuff, right?"

"One hundred percent Mr. Allen," He looks smug as he pulls the straps of his backpack tighter. 

 

_The next morning they've all gathered together before Barry has to make his way to the forensic lab._

_"He calls himself Atlanti? This is why they aren't allowed to name themselves!" Cisco throws his hands up in defeat._

_Caitlin barely holds back an amused smile._

_"There's gotta be a reason," Cisco mumbles to himself, gnawing on a Twizzler as he starts typing away at his computer. It takes a full three hours before Barry finally gets a phone call in the middle of monotonous paperwork (thank you, Julian) and Cisco sounds like he's found the jackpot._

_"Dude, I think I know why he calls himself Atlanti."_

_And Barry should finish this work so the careful peace between him and Julian isn't disrupted but he's still shaken up by the attack and he's honestly interested._

_"So, last night I took recordings of the frequency waves he was emitting when he got in your head and it's nothing we've ever seen before. He's somehow on another level completely, even when I cross referenced them with Earth-2's. I looked into 'Atlanti' and everything that came up had to do with Atlantis, which got me thinking this bizarre frequency has something to do with Atlantis, it would be a pretty weird name otherwise, and that's when I started_ thinking _," And now Cisco sounds excited. "In a lot of fantasy games there's this metal said to originate in Atlantis called Orichalcum. I know it's a long shot but maybe that will help in some way to stop this frequency and stop him from screwing with your mind. Anything else I've tried to come up with will do nothing against him."_

 _"Cisco," Barry takes a second to process all of that information. "That is a_ really  _long shot. Where would we even find this... fantasy metal, if Atlantis is already gone?"_

 

"All right, boys, on to Earth-3," Cisco looks hopeful, and mildly excited even though he's not going.

Caitlin smiles encouragingly. "Just remember, make sure not to run into your doppelgangers, and be careful!" Mumbled, "I can't believe we're condoning stealing."

"Only this once, Ms. Snow!" H.R grins, getting in a runners stance.

The last thought on Barry's mind before he's being thrown onto the other side is that Snart would be proud.

                                                                                                              ~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Woah," Barry can't help when his jaw goes slack, looking up into the dark, starry sky. Even with the bustling city's bright lights, there's no pollution. 

"Ah, our dearest Francisco has gotten us reasonably close, barely a hop from here." H.R has an odd way of talking, lightly smug grin always on his face.

"Right," Barry pulls himself to look back to the city, quickly spotting the heart of Atlantis. "This place is beautiful."

"Indeed, Mr. Allen, it's even more beautiful up close." And it takes Barry two seconds to realise why H.R's voice seems to be growing more and more distant before seeing the man enthusiastically bounding down the great hill they had landed on, only stopping to make sure Barry is following. When they get to the bottom of the hill they're welcomed onto a ferry that will take them to the island.

Barry watches bright lights dance under the dark water for a moment before realising the lights are actual sea life, fluorescent creatures gliding alongside and below their boat. 

He's nearly breathless when they start skipping above water, lightly splashing him into a grin.

"This is amazing," He looks to H.R to see the other man grinning, too. 

When they are finally on land again Barry has to tear himself away, wishing he had brought a camera. 

"Okay, this metal can be found in many forms but with our objective in mind, we need enough to make you a helmet so a hardware store would be best."

Barry had a hard time imagining a beautiful place like this had something like that. "Do they even have one here?"

H.R gives him a condescending smile, making Barry bristle. "Allen, Barry, this place has everything,"

And before he can say anything back, H.R is making his way down the path, to an open street, and weaving though crowds of people. The street is lined with shops; some are small, clearly independently owned, while others are big businesses even Earth-1 has. They are separated by small alley's but nothing more than five feet wide. Barry has a hard time keeping up, especially when he keeps getting distracted by the sights around him. Finally, H.R stops in front of a large, bright orange sign that reads 'Home Depot'. 

"They have those here too!?" Barry laughs in disbelief, eyes staying on the sign even as H.R pulls him inside. 

They pull down their caps, making sure their faces are sufficiently obscured in case they run into their doppelgangers, anyone that knows their doppelgangers, or run the risk of getting their doppelgangers arrested for theft. Making their way through the aisles lined with things Barry has never seen before and things he has in equal measure they finally finding a building labeled 'Metal Mill'. This place is nothing like the Home Depot he has been to. 

Making their way inconspicuously to a more reserved area, the metal they need high up and out of reach to anyone that might want to steal, they start unloading H.R's bag. Barry admires how close to gold it resembles, his mind unwittingly drifting to Lisa.

"There are security cameras but we'll be gone lickity-split anyways so don't pay those much mind. Do you think you can run fast enough to get a few of those rods down without being detected?"

Barry raises an eyebrow, smirk in place, and in the next second he's leaning on three poles taller than himself as a mock trident. "Do you think this is enough?"

H.R looks like he's trying not to look too impressed but he's got a goofy grin on his face. "Mr. Allen, I do think that will be enough for our Francisco to work with."

Barry takes to shrinking them down, H.R keeping watch, making sure they haven't been made.

"I'll have to make sure I thank Ray next time I see him,"

The now minuscule metal rods are bagged and put safely in a pocket of H.R's bag. That's when they hear the alarms. 

"Do you think that's for us?" Barry really wishes it wasn't.

"I don't see any other options, Mr. Allen, I advice we leave  _post haste_."

Barry ignores that last, outdated, bit and doesn't waste anymore time in speeding him and H.R out into an alleyway a few streets away.

"Your red blur," H.R groans, leaning heavily against Barry in an attempt to not throw up. "Is quite distinguishable. Let's hope Flash is a usual in these areas."

"Let's just ge-"

His own laugh cuts him off.

"Shit," Barry's eyes go wide as he debates between slinking deeper into the darkness as his voice (animatedly talking about something he can't quite catch) gets closer or risking a peek. It's what he hears next that has him stumbling idiotically out onto the sidewalk, coming face to face to face with two people he wished he hadn't.

Just three words, mumbled gravelly in that voice so rarely heard without a dramatized drawl and he's met with himself, formerly smiling face now one of shock, and that of Leonard Snart. 

"Snart," Barry, Earth-1 Barry, can't help but choke out. He never thought he'd see the man again. What are the chances his fucked up life would have him in this spot, at this time, listening to Snart say 'I love you' over his own laughs.

"Mr. Allen! I don't think you should-" H.R stops short and he sees the look on Barry's face. "Barry?"

"What... the fuck is going on?" Earth-3 Barry pulls Leonard closer to his side, hands joined together. Barry can't help but stare.

What he's doing, he has no idea, but Barry Allen has never been known for his great plans. Before he can think twice, he's scooping up Leonard and running, running, running until he finds a suitably abandoned part of town, buildings all quiet.

Until Leonard stumbles out of Barry's arms, hitting the ground hard with a retching sound.

"Oh god, Snart, I'm sorry, I-" He doesn't know what to do but he's close to tears just seeing the man, even if he's not donned in a big blue parka, and he zips nervously around the man.

"Who the fuck are you?"

"I'm..." He knows he shouldn't say but this man is looking up at him now, familiar, bright blue eyes looking afraid like he's never seen his own Leonard Snart look. "I'm from another Earth, Earth-1 is what we call it, it's a long story and I'm really sorry for just, speeding you off like that from-myself, and I wasn't thinking but seeing you again-" He chokes off, needing to catch his breath he's talking so fast.

Leonard looks wary, like he wants to be comfortable around him but being so spooked he can't. "You look like my Barry."

His chest does a weird thing at that. "I am," At Snart's look, he amends. "Barry, I mean, Barry Allen. I wasn't your anything, on Earth-1, except maybe your nemesis."

Snart's eyebrows furrow. "I'm confused about literally everything you just said."

Barry laughs wetly. "It doesn't matter. You shouldn't know anyways, I'm sorry, I didn't know what to do, seeing you again." He knows he's repeating himself but Leonard's face has softened if only out of habit and Barry's having a hard time holding himself together.

"Seeing me again?"

And of course, Barry _really_ knows he shouldn't tell Snart this but... "You died, on my Earth. Probably my fault, always saying there was good in you." He's smiling sadly, eyes tracking all of Snart's movements, his body language, everything Barry doesn't understand why he misses but does nonetheless. This Snart is less arrogant and precise, but it's still him. His face is even doing that scowl thing, when he thinks he should understand something but doesn't.

Barry doesn't want him to ask anything else so he keeps talking. "You are a criminal in my world, were a criminal, and I'm the Flash, always there to stop you, but I knew... when I saw what you would do for your sister, I knew there was good in you. Of course you had to go and prove it in the most idiotic, heroic fucking way possible." Barry is definitely crying now and suddenly finds himself wrapped up in Leonard's arms, hat being knocked off to the ground. This man that is nothing like the Leonard he knew. 

"I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm huggin' you right now, it's what I do when Barry-my Barry-cries, and you look so much like him, you  _are_ him-" Barry's laugh stops him, muffled by tears and the shoulder his face is buried in. Barry's arms are wrapped around his back, hands settling high and leaning heavily on his chest.

"I don't know why I miss you so much, you didn't like me, I didn't even realise I thought of you as a friend until I found out..."

Leonard's hands are rubbing up and down Barry's back, even though he's not really crying anymore they don't move. 

"I don't want to go back where you're not there to pull dumb heists that I promised not to crash because you promised to not hurt anyone and you  _kept_ yourword and you never told anyone my identity and it's so weird thinking I can't go to you anymore if I need help with something, because of course you'd always help even though you pretended to not want to." Barry sighs roughly through a sob that wants to escape his chest, eyes shut tight and eyebrows drawn together.

They're silent for a minute before Leonard speaks up. "Sounds to me like you loved me, other me."

Barry shrugs weakly. "I've lost a lot of people close to me, I'm sick of it."

And maybe that was the key to this whole thing. He is so sick of hearing about people he had known, and cared about, dying, no matter what the cause was. He is sick of not being able to get closure for those deaths, never saying a proper good-bye and not being able to do anything to stop it.

After another minute Leonard clears his throat quietly, rubbing Barry's back once more before gently pulling back. "My Barry is probably missing me at this point, do you think I could hitch a ride back to town?"

Barry silently screams inside, because why the fuck do they have to be so similar even as they're so different.

"Yeah, of course, I'm sorry again, about just, sweeping you off like this and  _crying_ on you, Jesus-"

"Barry!" But he has a fond smile on his face. "It's fine, this has been..." His mouth twists into a smirk. "Interesting to say the least." He looks like he wants to say something else but clearly refrains. 

"Anyways," Barry sighs heavily again, wiping a hand down his face and snatching up his hat. "Let's hope that other me and H.R are still there."

When Barry speeds them back and Leonard is put back down, he doesn't retch this time. He does fall down though, because the other Barry has tackled him. " _Oh my god,_ are you okay!?" They're luckily all tucked further back into the alleyway, out of the way of prying eyes looking for the red streak.

H.R is looking at Earth-1 Barry with a raised eyebrow, clearly at a loss, whilst simultaneously going over to help Earth-3 Barry and Leonard up off the ground. Leonard is smiling fondly, assuring his Barry that he's fine, had a good heart to heart, that he'd explain everything else later. Barry finds himself apologizing to his mirror self, unsettled with how intimidating he really is not, and being pulled into another hug by Leonard. 

"Thank you," Barry's eyebrows furrow once again, not sure if that's even remotely adequate for putting him up to a rather surprise cry-sesh. 

"You're welcome any time," And maybe there's a double meaning there, Barry does remember his Leonard loved speaking in double meanings, but doesn't have time to retort back before H.R is aggressively pulling him off down the street.

"Barry Allen," He's never seen the other man so serious. "That was perhaps one of the more unintelligent things I've seen in my day."

"Yeah, listen," Barry tries to slow them down to properly apologize. "I don't know what happened, I've just been dealing with him...dying, and I haven't had an outlet and seeing him..." He takes a deep breath, shaking his head slightly. "I really don't know what came over me. Let's just get out of here before anything else gets screwy." 

Again at the top of the hill, Barry looks down onto the city. It truly is beautiful.

"Let's go stop a meta-human," And then they're standing back on Earth-1. 

**Author's Note:**

> totally obviously not mentioned in the fic but Vee and "the flash" become pretty chummy swapping stories and shit and also cisco/lisa are lowkey together in this so even though it's not mentioned it's a thing. and because of this, lisa gets over her blaming len's death on barry and stuff but like who can even blame her when I saw the episode I yelled at the TV "damn you barry, look what you put in the boys head, now he's dead as fuck" buuuut I digress


End file.
